Searching for Help

Alright, so I just filled out a "Ask a Question" form on a website about vocations. Basically, I wanted to know what I should do about taking my first steps into discernment. I don't know that I'm discerning one vocation over another specifically, but I do know that it's time to step back and allow God some time to work in my life and to lead it where he wants it to be. The purpose behind this blog is to give me someplace where I can put down my thoughts and document my experiences throughout my period of discernment. I like that I can be somewhat anonymous here and can put down my honest feelings without being concerned about the judgments from people that I know. Also, I hope that somehow this may help someone else who is going through the same thing. In other words, PLEASE let me know if you are because I want your help too! Let's not do this alone. :)


Below is the "letter" that I sent into the website. The questions there are answered by a Father Anthony Bannon, LC. Here you go:

"Where do I start? I have for years felt a small twinge in my heart towards a consecrated life and have just recently allowed myself to acknowledge it. I have always felt a strong and almost desperate call towards motherhood and married life, however. I know that both are equally important and useful vocations in spreading God's love on earth, and I know that I want to give myself entirely to God in whatever way He wants me to.

In the past few months I have come out of a broken engagement that was not where or how God wanted me to be at the time. During the last year of this relationship I felt a strong call to discern-- not necessarily in one direction or another, but simply to take the time away from where I was and try to quietly search out God`s will for me. I don`t want to go any further in either direction until I know better what is God`s will rather than my own. I know that the timing is somewhat awkward coming out of this engagement, but I do not feel that considering life as a religious is an act of fear. I do believe that God has told my heart that He has plans for it and that He has created someone that is waiting for me when He decides that I am ready. I feel as though God is holding both doors open for me and He would provide for my happiness in either direction, but I want to do what would make Him happiest. I want to serve Him in the way that is best suited for how He has made me. I just don`t know what that is.

I am praying and trying to allow myself time to adjust into this phase of discernment (as the time has clearly come for me to do,) but I am having some trouble with direction and knowing what I should do. I have had some trouble with quieting myself and forcing myself into stillness lately and this worries me. Also, I would like to find someone to help me that will not be biased toward one vocation or another. I am afraid of misinterpreting God`s will. I know this is a lot and is fairly disjointed, but is there anything you can offer me in the way of advice? Thank you for your time-- simply writing this out has helped me in some small way. Thank you again!"


Thoughts?